Searching for contentment...

So today has been kind of an emotionally challenging day. I really don't think I handle many things right. :( Alot has saddened my heart, alot has worried my heart and I'm just standing under a gray cloud. I just didn't start my day off on the right track. My friendship with Emilie has really become distant and it makes me sad. I decided that I just needed to separate myself as much as I can from someone I once loved being so close to at one time. I understand I probably was not the greatest friend to her but I know I loved her and I love her still. I know she is going through many changes and I really don't need to burden her anymore. I just needed to let her know that this is where I am at with my feelings, I explained myself as politely as I could and I've let it go. I really needed to. I can't change her and I never wanted this to happen to us. It's as if she took away from me something I valued so much. Like I said, I know I am far beyond the greatest friend...but it's because I don't have alot of close girlfriends...maybe I handled things in our friendship the way I would have handled them with Jenn or Britt and it could have pushed her away. At this point all I can do is pray for God to lead us both to where we need to be. I trust him and I pray that Emilie understand my aching heart and for me to do this same for her. Maybe time apart, real time apart, will be good for us. Secondly, I worry about my dad. He just recently got a Gout attack in his foot/toe and the "tingle" hasn't fully gone away. I just really hope it does go away completely. It began with one episode occurring to it reoccurring again!! I'm telling you, I'm a one worried person. It's so unhealthy but I just don't know how to not worry so much about those I love so much!! I love each and everyone of my family and friends and I just want them to feel good, to be in good health and protection. Typing that I realize how much that isn't up to me. I'm going to have to really counsel with some sisters from the church. They're such wise women. Especially Sister Masters, she's an angel for the reals! Well I don't want to get to carried on my aching heart. I want positive things to share, so I will follow-up on how our Savior is leading me through this trial in my life. I will lean on him.