Catching Up

    I feel like I haven't blogged in forever or I don't blog enough. There is so much going on in our lives all at once. So I'll use this post to catch up on everything, but totally off the topic; I still cannot figure out how to get my blog looking the way I want it too! Bleh! So first is first, Sunday evening my Tia Maria brought my grandma Barbara over to visit us. I must say she looks amazing for 85 years old! Her birthday was February 20th and I wish we grew up closer to her and had a chance to get to know her better, but unfortunately we didn't. Actually the only grandparent I grew up really knowing and spending a lot of time with was my grandma Lita (Manuelita) my mom's mom. Like I said though, my grandma Barbara looks amazing and I know she is amazing. She has over come so many obstacles in her life that she inspires me. My dad tells me stories about her life and how she was always looking and reaching out to care and nurture people. She has over come sickness and surgeries in her life that shows her strength. I know my dad loves his mom more than words can probably express, but I think my dad has a hard time allowing himself to express his emotions. I wish he would try harder to do that for his mom, sister and family but it is his own choice to do so. I just pray that no one will ever doubt his love for them, especially Maria. We are not loving if we doubt others feelings. I'm really glad that Maria brought her to see us, it shows a lot of great character about her.
    Secondly: So I have decided that it is in the best interest of Brooke to permanently terminate Brian's parental rights and to proceed in Jason's adoption for her. I have prayed hard about this and it has taken me over 8 years to come to this decision. I know though that Brian will only disappoint Brooke if I allow him to keep coming in and out of her life and never once explaining to her what he is and what he does. It's will only confuse her, and she has already told me herself that she doesn't want to go with Brian and she wants to stay with us. It's exhausting ever thinking he would ask or expect to take her during spring break, summer-time or any other holiday. During this last phase/stage I have given him the benefit of the doubt but he is apparently going back to his old ways and old girlfriends who only cause friction in our co-parenting (whatever existence our co-parenting is that is). So I stopped talking to him completely and I have an appointment Tuesday with an attorney. People move on and I know Heavenly Father blessed me with Jason for a reason, he is our daddy and our provider and we're working on our protector. :)
    Thirdly: I had an interview this morning at the Wal-Mart DC center her. The position is for order-processing/order-filler. It is something I think I may be capable of doing, but I am nervous about the schedule. It would be a definite blessing if I do get offered a position that would be Tuesday-Friday morning shift. If however I do get offered a second shift position or weekend position that I may just try it out. I worry about the kids though and the life-style change they will have to adjust to. I'm not going to stress it to much though because I am not obligated to take the job and I will not do anything to jeopardize their feelings. :) So this isn't the worst situation that could over take my mind, that is for sure.

    Nothing really has changed in my life. Thank goodness. Jason and I hit a little itch in our marriage a few weeks ago, but it's getting better. We're in this marriage to win it and it is going to take a lot of work and practice from one another. Luckily with our love and commitment I know we'll get through this. We have so much on us, me looking for work, Jason wanting to provide more and not really having the opportunity. What helps me get through these challenges is focus. I know that we are doing what we need to do. We're keeping our marriage and our family in tact and that is what Heavenly Father is wanting us to do. I am at peace where we are at and it's an over all circle of help and endurance. My dad helps us, we help him, I stay home with the kids and they have security in life and eventually Jason and I will stand on our own. It's a sacrifice that I am willing to make for Brooke, Tyler and Taylor because they deserve the BEST!!! - Kayla :)