A Honor Roll..and thoughts today

Today was Brooke's A Honor Roll Assembly. I am so proud of my lady, she was one out of the 13 kids who made this award. I really hope I don't push her to hard, it's just I know what she is capable of. As her mom, I cannot settle for less. One day she will appreciate it, she definitely doesn't understand now, she seems to think we ask more of her than her brothers, but she is the older sibling which means her help is expected more. I remember when I was little I was very sentimental just like Brooke. I needed my mom's love constantly. If I saw her showing love to Jamie or Jennifer, I would get soo jealous and then write her a letter about my feelings. Brooke DOES this and it sadness me so much. :(( It really hurts me to think my baby girl misses me and says other people take time away from her. I wish she could understand that this isn't the case at all, that when I do go out to the Brew, it usually is when they all should be sleeping..ugh. It's so much to handle. I went to the Brew a few nights ago with Emilie, and we went pretty late (because of course we have to make sure our babies are tucked in and ready for bed) well when I got home Brooke had written me a very emotional letter. She said she didn't feel any love from Jason and I, that I am either cleaning or taking care of Taylor and daddy is usually watching a movie or going to work. This tore me up!! I cried because this isn't how I want her to feel. On the flip side, I strongly believe I need nights like these to help refocus me. Life has been so busy for me since the beginning of summer, and I am not complaining, I just need some time for myself, and I believe I try to work around the kids so that they aren't missing out on me. I did talk to Brooke about it and I explained to her that "mommy needs alone time, it's not because I don't love being with you guys, but you should have been sleeping, and this wouldn't have bothered you so much. I understand you may want more alone time with me, and this can happen. You however need to have a good mouth with me and your daddy and obey us when we ask you to do something. Being obedient will allow me to reward you, and I'll reward you with our own trip to the Brew, but I cannot reward you for un acceptable behavior." I really hope she understands me, and I know more meltdowns are to come quickly, I just really want her to know I love her, but I have to raise her to be a respectable woman also, and I cannot allow her to talk back to me or Jason and not do the things we ask of her. I will not give in to this battle, this is best for her. We love her dearly and I believe that loving parents are the ones who don't give their kids everything. <3 Brooke is my everything, she is me!!! I really hope I get better at showing her my love, and spending more mommy time with her.

Blogging late on Taylor's 2nd B-day!

So we didn't throw a -huge- bash for Taylor's 2nd birthday. I really don't think it's necessary to make a big celebration for a 2 year old who stays at home all day with his mom. We had his cousin Kyra and Averyn here, along with his brother and sister. I personally think it's more intimate for us to celebrate this way. Trenton and Jennifer bought him the cutest clothes and books, grandma-Josie bought him some shoes, pants and shirts to wear to church (which he really needed) and his cousins bought him hot wheels. Jason and I were able to spend the whole day with him, we started off by eating breakfast burritos (I think) and just relaxed the rest of the day. It's a was very humble birthday for him, and we're thankful for having this precious baby boy (even though he is totally crying and complaining right now because he doesn't want to go to sleep.:/ I think I have a draft that I wrote about his birthday that I haven't published. I just needed to share his pictures while I still remember. :)) His cake was delicious, we bought it from Mrs.Kays bakery and I think it was more authentic than buying it from wal-mart. Something different and better I think. We enjoyed this day very much. :) But I better go because this baby isn't having it. :((

Prolonging Rash

So I noticed on a Friday (9/23) morning after bathing Taylor that he had a rash on his right wrist! It freaked me out! I had put on some hydrocortisone cream on it and hoped it would get better. I did call Dr.Turner's office and David told me that Doc was out of the office due to surgery! :( He told me to put Corona cream on it and if it didn't get better to take him to Dr.King at WTFM. So the next day it wasn't any better! I then took him to Dr.King on Tuesday and he told me it looked like a allergic contact reaction and prescribed me some cream. That night I had put the cream on Taylor's arm before he went to sleep and sure enough the next morning I wake up and his rash is raised and bright red! :'( I was so stressed thinking the worst and googling the worst. Luckily I had an appointment with Dr.Watkins for a follow-up that Thursday, so I asked him to look at the rash and to tell me if this was normal and if there is anything else that may need to be done (by this time the rash was slowly going up his arm and appearing on the left arm). Dr.Watkins pretty much told me that what I was doing already for Taylor was about all he would do as well, and to bring him in Monday morning if the cream didn't clear it up. I stressed and stressed about this rash EVERY day! I'm so grateful for Emilie to of put my mind at ease, to tell me to just to let it go. She told me that he has whatever he has, and as long as I'm doing what the doctors told me to do..then to not worry about it. It's been very hard to accept that I do worry more than I should and that I am not in control of my kids health to certain extents. I am however getting better, and I know I need to quit worrying as much as I do. Long story short, Doc came back this past Monday and I took Taylor in Tuesday. Diagnosis: Hand-foot-mouth syndrome. He has the rash a little on the top of his feet and on the palm of his hands. Luckily he doesn't have any sores in his mouth and hasn't run fever. This rash will take time to completely heal, but doc said it's harmless and that the incubation period is short and if anyone else is going to get it, they would have already showed signs. So I'm praying for everyone else to remain in good health. I pray even harder for the strength to take on whatever else may come my way. Tyler and Taylor are coughing, and it sounds like those coughs that worsen with time. The weather is changing crazily. It's hot one day and cold the next, which is perfect weather to make kids sick. I trust God though and I know he'll protect and provide for my family. We're blessed to have the insurance we have, the doctors who helps us and the family and friends to be supportive. Taylor's rash is still on his arm and breaking out on his leg some, but I take it that it's just part of it, because he sure isn't acting like it's bothering him. He is ALL OVER the place! I'll get it one day!! :)-xoxoxo

Edgemere Elementary "Open House" 9-29

Tyler standing in front of his seat in class. Notice his handwriting is very legit.

The infamous Family Tree. Their theme was "All About Me"

I noticed that Tyler's fingerprint tree was the neatest of them all. :))

Brooke's class made a little "Guess Who" game. We had to read the clues to guess which was our child.

The bestfriend named "Emilee" gave it away for me!!

Surprise, it's BROOKE!!

I love how she included the family in her autobiography!

Little man Taylor is going to get some recognition, The letters behind him are the ones I was talking about.

So here are the pictures that I took at the kids open house at Edgemere. This is a pretty late post, but it's all still fresh in my mind. I've had hardly any time for blogging. I feel like I set aside time everyday to blog, but then something usually takes up that time. Since everyone seems to be playing independently right now, I'll take advantage to catch up! :) Open house went really good. Jason and I got to look around Tyler's classroom, and Tyler was so excited to show us everything and explain to us how Ms.Stevens applies it to their lessons. Her room is super cute! Her lockers have foam letters of the alphabet all along them and Tyler was able to show me each letter and tell me their sign, along with a word that begins with that letter! I was so impressed and proud of him! Tyler's handwriting is so neat too! He is doing so well in school and I am so optimistic with his studies, especially now since we're going to invest in Sylvan for him, for sure for three months. Ms.Stevens praised his behavior and had very up lifting things to say about Tyler. My mind is put at ease knowing that he is learning well and getting along with the other kids. I worried about his social skills and hoped that he was making friends, and I believe he is doing great with the kids in his class, etc. Now for Miss.Brooke, she is doing AMAZING!! Mrs.Marks praised her as well! She said that Brooke is very motivated and determined in class. She focuses real well on her class work and is most of the time obedient. Brooke and the other little girls in her class can be chatty and sassy, and Mrs.Marks said she does have to separate them most of the time (which doesn't surprise me because Brooke is definitely a leader ad not a follower, and her leadership skills most oftenly come off as her being "bossy"). I talked to Mrs.Mahagan and she told me that she gives Brooke 4th grade worksheets in class and she does them well! My, was I impressed by this girl!! Brooke was given a reading assessment and she ready 117 words a minute!! Mrs.Marks said that they don't even expect but 97 words per minute for 3rd graders!! My lady is doing awesome!! I am over all content and proud of how Brooke and Tyler are excelling in school. It was a productive evening, and we finished it off by treating the kids with an ice cream from Dairy Queen. I hope I continue to lead the kids in the right direction as well as being there for support.

"Let It Go" approach

Today has been a pretty easy flowing day. It was General Conference (which I really hope to watch tomorrow  while the big kids are at school) so we didn't have church. Jason is working graveyard and he didn't get home until 11 this morning. It's so challenging for me when he is working this shift to have a good attitude. I guess I'm just stuck in a selfish mode. I feel like I have been caring for everyone for months now. I know this is what I am supposed to be doing, and I know blessings will come by doing so. But I guess I don't feel like anyone has gratitude towards me. My dad has made comments to me about working, or "not having a job" and it really offends me. I do so much in one day that I don't know how our home would be if I did work. I did slack this summer on cleaning, but I just didn't want to overwhelm myself, and not being a clean freak helped me enjoy the kids more. I then decided I would clean when school started, but Jason's accident happened so I need to focus on more important things. So this past week I actually got all my cleaning done, and I've maintained alot of it. :)) I feel myself slowly molding back into my routine, and I'm grateful for it. It's such a blessing to me to have this back. I know I am not in control of anything else, so I'm taking it one day at a time. Taylor's rash had been stressing me out all last week, and I think today is the first day I have actually just "let it go." I have done all that I can do for it, and I'm just waiting to take him to Doc in the morning. I tried hard to not allow myself to worry about the whole "contagious" concerns about it. If anyone is going to get it, I will just have to deal with it. It's literally the only option I have at this point. I really need to just take the whole "Let It Go" attitude towards many things/situations in my life. I am always stressing and worrying about things and people I cannot change. It takes a toll on my body, I felt like my heart was hurting this evening, I felt very panicky...I thought to myself "just breathe!!" I do not want to allow myself to get to this point. It's to much for me, and alot of it is because of myself. Jason is back to working his regular schedule, I feel like he doesn't show me that he appreciates me. Like, I just wish he would hug me when he sees me deep in thought, grab me and tell me everything is going to be ok when he sees me running around the house trying to clean or help one of the kids, instead of avoiding me and making annoying sounds, etc. But, I'm just going to have to let it go, and pray for him to understand me more. I'm going to have to really try to not act out on it. I tend to argue/fight with him when I try to bring all of this to his attention. Secondly, Jason and my dad tend to make comments like "well it's not like your working" or "you need to get a job"..and these comments confuse me! They make me think that maybe what I'm doing is wrong. As if me staying home isn't contributing to the family. I will stand my ground though that being home with the kids is the best decision for the kids. I think this one will be easy to let go! I love having the whole morning and afternoon with Taylor, he is my baby..my last child and I want to relish in these moments with him. I want to establish that bond with him that I have done with Brooke and Tyler. Third, I feel like I'm not doing my best at spending time with those I love most. Like my grandma Manuelita, she has been the only consistent grandmother in my life and I grew up so close to her, that it really disappoints me that I don't make a bigger effort to see her. I need to really prioritize my life. I have alot to work on, I just want my family to know I love them all, but right now I'm giving my all to my kids and home. I will though make more time and effort to visiting my grandma's. Back to #1...I was just thinking, Jason is probably going through the same emotions as myself. I  bet he feels like his life and time revolve around everyone else. This really probably is just a milestone in our lives. The kids are small, and they will grow up and move on with their own lives. This too will be a short season, so I hope to encourage Jason to go hand in hand with me through this beautiful journey. I hope these recent blogs aren't to choppy! I'm blogging late at night! More tomorrow...

Carrying to much..

Well my little baby Taylor has had a rash now for going on 7 days. :( I have taken him to the doctor twice and have been applying the cream that was prescribed to him for days now, but his rash seems to only be staying the same. Doctor Turner has been out of the office due to a recent neck surgery, but will be back Monday morning! Oh how I miss not having our pedi for the kids. I finally called Doc this afternoon because I noticed the rash showing up on the top of Taylor's feet. Doc is for certain it is most likely the hand-mouth-foot virus but still wants to see him first thing Monday morning. It is so much weight to carry on my shoulders not being able to help my  baby and still being over concerned about protecting everyone else from this (I believe Doc said it wasn't contagious). I talked with Emilie today and she said something that has stuck with me, "just let it go". This is so true, I need to let go and let God. I need to being praying constantly for Taylor's healing, and seek out a blessing. I carry to many unnecessary burdens and it's not healthy for me. I am however getting better at easing myself and I know I will eventually get to the point when I make time for myself not feeling so selfish. I am getting some tired, I'll finish this post tomorrow. LOVE xoxoxo

Forget-me-nots

Today was the Relief Society general meeting. We had baked potatoes and lemonade at church, and they were super good! It's always nice to go to things like this, it enriches my soul and the women are great company. Earlier today Brae came over, while Shayla worked, and played with Tyler. I was so glad that she asked me to watch him because I have been praying hard for my little Tyler, for his social skills and making more friends. I believe this is specifically how Heavenly Father answered my prayer, he provided Tyler a friend to enjoy. Now, it didn't end as well as I would have wanted it to. The boys were playing "mortal kombat" (a game I am not to fond of, but they ARE boys) and long story short, Brae punched Tyler in the eye and Tyler was not to forgiving. :(( Oh well, maybe next play date will go smoother. As for Taylor, he was knocked out on Benadryl!! He has had a little rash on his right wrist and it seemed to me like it may have been spreading. This child of mine always has me on my toes!, he worries me so much it's insane. Anyways, Kendra suggested giving him some benadryl in case he may have gotten into something and had an allergic reaction. I have been putting hydrocortisone cream and corona cream on it, and it seems somewhat ok. I did try to take him to the UMC clinic, but unfortunately they weren't taking anymore patients! I was soo annoyed by this because I took him at 3:20 and the clinic doesn't close until 4pm, but I'm assuming the STAFF wanted to be out by 4. I guess I will take him tomorrow if it is still bothering me, because he sure doesn't act like it's bothering him. Ok, now to move onto Brooke. :)-> During this time of year her asthma seems to flare up more, now why? I'm not to sure, I really think it has to do with the weather. She went to the homecoming game with her friend Bella, and she came home coughing, more like the "asthma" sounding cough...so the breathing treatments have begun! I'm really going to pray hard for the strength to take on whatever is in store for me this winter. It's the best way to be. I just needed to blog what went on this afternoon before I forget. So the RS meeting was good! I loved the talks given by the presidency of the the Relief Society, one of the talks that weighed on me heavy was about "Charity." Charity is the key to bringing people the enjoyment of the gospel. I feel kind of guilty because I know I complain a whole lot of my charity. I take care of my whole family and when I feel overwhelmed I lash out at all of them. I can't believe this. How am I going to be blessed from the charity I do when I react that way when I am upset? How is me being mad bringing them happiness? This is what I think Jesus was telling me tonight. I need to be Christ-Like. It is so important that I act lovingly, because this gospel has done nothing but brought me happiness and peace. Through this gospel I have strengthened my marriage, learned the Plan of Salvation, and I am now striving for an eternal marriage and sealing to my kids and husband! I have such Godly goals it's beautiful. I pray that my kids lead these lives as well. That I can teach them that their bodies are temples and that sex and marriage and everything in between is sacred. I want my children to stay away from temptations that will only bring them sorrow. Having sex with someone you are not married to will bring no blessings. This is blunt, yes I know, but it is the truth. So many diseases are being spread by people having sex with multiple partners not using any protection. I do NOT want this for my children, which is why I pray to teach them faithfully about the Law of Chastity. Another part of the conference this evening that brought joy to my heart was from Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf, he spoke about understanding all the "whys" that Heavenly Father has given us. I personally think this is perfect, if we can understand the "whys" we will enable ourselves to enjoy the beauty of his love, his plan, his life, his gosepl and most importantly the fulfillment in the life after! I am so excited about this talk, it has totally re-tuned me with the spirit. I want to be obedient, I want to feel the peaceful joy in living as we are asked. :)) I will lean on my loving Father, for His love is honest and pure...and strong. This is where my heart is, and I pray tonight that he allow the spirit strong in my life. -xoxo Kayla