"Let It Go" approach

Today has been a pretty easy flowing day. It was General Conference (which I really hope to watch tomorrow  while the big kids are at school) so we didn't have church. Jason is working graveyard and he didn't get home until 11 this morning. It's so challenging for me when he is working this shift to have a good attitude. I guess I'm just stuck in a selfish mode. I feel like I have been caring for everyone for months now. I know this is what I am supposed to be doing, and I know blessings will come by doing so. But I guess I don't feel like anyone has gratitude towards me. My dad has made comments to me about working, or "not having a job" and it really offends me. I do so much in one day that I don't know how our home would be if I did work. I did slack this summer on cleaning, but I just didn't want to overwhelm myself, and not being a clean freak helped me enjoy the kids more. I then decided I would clean when school started, but Jason's accident happened so I need to focus on more important things. So this past week I actually got all my cleaning done, and I've maintained alot of it. :)) I feel myself slowly molding back into my routine, and I'm grateful for it. It's such a blessing to me to have this back. I know I am not in control of anything else, so I'm taking it one day at a time. Taylor's rash had been stressing me out all last week, and I think today is the first day I have actually just "let it go." I have done all that I can do for it, and I'm just waiting to take him to Doc in the morning. I tried hard to not allow myself to worry about the whole "contagious" concerns about it. If anyone is going to get it, I will just have to deal with it. It's literally the only option I have at this point. I really need to just take the whole "Let It Go" attitude towards many things/situations in my life. I am always stressing and worrying about things and people I cannot change. It takes a toll on my body, I felt like my heart was hurting this evening, I felt very panicky...I thought to myself "just breathe!!" I do not want to allow myself to get to this point. It's to much for me, and alot of it is because of myself. Jason is back to working his regular schedule, I feel like he doesn't show me that he appreciates me. Like, I just wish he would hug me when he sees me deep in thought, grab me and tell me everything is going to be ok when he sees me running around the house trying to clean or help one of the kids, instead of avoiding me and making annoying sounds, etc. But, I'm just going to have to let it go, and pray for him to understand me more. I'm going to have to really try to not act out on it. I tend to argue/fight with him when I try to bring all of this to his attention. Secondly, Jason and my dad tend to make comments like "well it's not like your working" or "you need to get a job"..and these comments confuse me! They make me think that maybe what I'm doing is wrong. As if me staying home isn't contributing to the family. I will stand my ground though that being home with the kids is the best decision for the kids. I think this one will be easy to let go! I love having the whole morning and afternoon with Taylor, he is my baby..my last child and I want to relish in these moments with him. I want to establish that bond with him that I have done with Brooke and Tyler. Third, I feel like I'm not doing my best at spending time with those I love most. Like my grandma Manuelita, she has been the only consistent grandmother in my life and I grew up so close to her, that it really disappoints me that I don't make a bigger effort to see her. I need to really prioritize my life. I have alot to work on, I just want my family to know I love them all, but right now I'm giving my all to my kids and home. I will though make more time and effort to visiting my grandma's. Back to #1...I was just thinking, Jason is probably going through the same emotions as myself. I  bet he feels like his life and time revolve around everyone else. This really probably is just a milestone in our lives. The kids are small, and they will grow up and move on with their own lives. This too will be a short season, so I hope to encourage Jason to go hand in hand with me through this beautiful journey. I hope these recent blogs aren't to choppy! I'm blogging late at night! More tomorrow...