Trials and Tribulations..

• Trials and tribulations...this title post says it all. We have so many in life whether it's a financial, family or health circumstance, we have them. Decisions always to be made and even learning from making the wrong decision. Tribulation: a state of great trouble or suffering. This is the definition of tribulation that I googled (because I didn't really know for sure it's definite meaning). Now the word "suffering" is scary to me. I don't like thinking I suffer or my kids or loved ones at that...but when I think of it in another perspective, the conclusion I can come up with is that we all suffer without confiding, worshiping and trusting our Savior and Heavenly Father. Last night I had the hardest time sleeping, at first I was just spooking myself out and then when I finally did seem to fall asleep I woke up with a very painful dry nose!! I was so bothered by this! So, I just prayed. I prayed that Heaven;y Father please help me find a way to sleep comfortably, to help my eyes, nose and throat to where they wouldn't hurt as bad. I trusted him and he helped me sleep. He gave me peace even in prayer, even as I did just lay there thinking I may not sleep at all..or that my nose wouldn't get better, I was at peace. I knew that it would pass, eventually. I pray for blessings for our home, for the kids and for myself. I should probably pray more for others because I know so many people who need it, and that's what life is all about. Trials: test, experiment, try, proof, examination or probation. These are the synonyms given for trials. I didn't really think the definition goes with what I am posting about. How can I apply trials to my feelings? Well, first of all test is a good start. I have been tested (trialed) alot here lately. I have failed several, I know this for a fact. But I know I can always learn from it. Remembering how I didn't feel good failing. For instance, yelling at the kids to much in the day, cursing to much, judging, gossiping..not reading my scriptures. All of these things make me unhappy. Because I know by doing these things I will not feel the blessings that come with not doing them. It is so hard sometimes, but I know I need to work on them. I really hope I can even start now! I know there will be a lot of people I will not get along with, but I can love them. I know there will be plenty of times that I will yell at the kids or curse...but I can still pray to stop. I know there will be plenty of times that I will not feel good or one of the kids will be sick, but I can pray for comfort. I know that I can always turn to my Father in Heaven to help me over come these trials and tribulations. To help direct me to being the woman, mother, sister, friend, cousin, grand-daughter I am born to be. To show me light when I am down and dark...he has been so faithful to me in the beginning of time. Faithfully bringing me out of PPD after having Brooke to here recently calming my fears about being put to sleep. He is so Faithful and merciful for all his children. I am a child of God, for he has sent me here..I love this primary song because it is so softly said and true. I just really want to make a New Years Resolution that isn't so shallow (like losing weight or buying some material thing). I want to be a better Servant of God. I want to strive to live the gospel to it's fullest. Ministering to others and serving! I really want to feel the love and blessings that come with by doing so! I want to teach my kids more strongly and powerful of Jesus and our Father and I want to make Family home evening a priority. I want to be the best Latter-Day Saint I know I can be! This all was weighing heavy on me tonight, so I needed to document it before I forget. :)) My prayer list:
• For health and protection for the kids and my family
•  To receive guidance in what decisions Jason and I need to make regarding Tyler's education.
• To know whether or not it's time for me to start looking for work, or to continue staying at home with the kids.
• My grandmother's health.
• Brandie in her time of grief. For Heavenly Father to wrap his arms around her and to allow the Spirit to be strong in her presence every day as she tries to make a step forward and tries to adjust to her new normal.
• To humble my heart to Brian and his family and Jason's as well. For I know they know what they do.
• My chest to quit aching and nose to be ok tonight.
• For me to be a good example and to make Jason's parents visit nice flowing and cheerful.

• To give thanks for my kids and family and friends. For the church and it's teachings, missionaries who dedicate 2 years of their lives to serve others....

I think this is all I can think of right now, but I am sure more will come as I pray! Love- Kayla Xxo

Christmas Simplicity

The Parks Family Christmas 2011

 So our Christmas this year was a very simple, very blessed and very cherish able. We bought the kids the things they asked for and we're very lucky to have such easy kids. Tyler was really wanting a shark for Christmas and I caught a great deal at Toy's R Us for a discovery kids shark and killer whale set. Tyler was soo happy with this gift from Santa. As for Taylor, we bought him foam blocks as his gift from Santa. I almost bought him a wooden block set, but then second guessed it when I then thought about how I knew these blocks would be thrown around or at Brooke or Tyler. I am so grateful for that decision because we have definitely had blocks thrown here and there. Now about Brooke, wow how our Santa issues have begun. I really know she doesn't believe in Santa (I can't pin point if it was me who may have ruined it for her, or maybe kids at school) but we didn't buy her a Santa gift this year. So I then came up with the idea to make her a "Santa note" with money inside explaining why he didn't leave a specific gift for her under the tree. Unfortunately, I had left Tyler's shark and Taylor's whale gifts in the computer room and she totally saw them. Like the smart girl she is, she put 2 and 2 together and completely gave Jason and I the 3rd degree expecting us to explain this to her. I told her we would get back to her on it, I just am so exhausted I didn't have the mental strength to try and convince her and do damage control. So that is a total separate blog post. Overall I am so happy with the outcome of our Christmas. We didn't get much, but the spirit was felt so strongly among us all. I know times will get easier or more challenging, but as long as I have these wonderful kids and husband and parents of mine (and Jamie and Jenn as well, even though they're spending time with their own families and in-laws) I will be content and at peace....which ultimately equals happiness. Now I better get to bed because it's 12:45 in the morning and I have tons of cleaning to do tomorrow before Jason's parents come Wednesday! -Kayla Xxoxo

Trying to snap a quick Christmas shot!

Smile for the camera! (I love Taylor's smile, Tyler's sweet face and Brooke's silly pigtails that she did herself)

We  could of bought Taylor just this and he would of been totally fine with that.

This is just who we are. We're goofy and we just take moments at a time. Enjoying every bit of happiness.

Brooke's precious letter

Brooke left the sweetest note to Santa asking him to still bless her brothers with gifts even though their sometimes disobedient.

Our little tree that was once filled with presents beneath it, is now once again lonely.

We were all blessed with a white Christmas

A mother's love is always enough

Well Christmas is 4 days away now and I think we're as ready as we can be. The tree is loaded with presents beneath it and I can't wait to see Brooke, Tyler and Taylor's faces when they open their gifts. I chose to not beat myself up this year about what and how much we were going to buy the kids. I know it wouldn't be fair for me to put that stress on Jason or my dad (which I hoped I didn't do, to much), and because Christmas isn't about what's under the tree, it's about who is around it with you. In a eternal perspective. I've been blessed with kids who don't ask for much anyways!! Tonight is actually a night that I am so thankful for. Grandma Josie took all 3 kids for a sleepover at her place tonight!! I hope it goes well, especially with Tator (Taylor). It's nice to have this time to just lay down, to think and gather my thoughts. This past Tuesday Jason and I went with the boys (Tyler, Taylor and Brae) to Lubbock to go to Tyler's Sylvan follow-up appointment on how he scored on his assessments. The appointment took about an hour and half, and we have committed into enrolling Tyler in the program. What the assessor explained to us was very strong advice. He asked us questions like "what are you goals for Tyler? To get him where he needs to be academically to graduate high school, or to prepare him to attend a college of his choice?"  It's obvious how we answered. There are somethings that he has mastered and also some things he hasn't. Being in a public school, they're programs are very different. They're more directed towards "passing" students on a different criterias based on percentage of knowledge ability. Ex: There are 26 letters in the alphabet, a kindergartner is required to know or make a 70% in order to move on to 1st grade. This means that not every letter will be mastered...which just leads to a countless number of complications for most students who do not all interpret the alphabet on mastery level. I want Tyler to have the confidence in his education to help him strive with an ambition geared towards accomplishing a college degree. It's so wonderful that we have chosen to get him this help so early in his age! Reading is most important for him and we have all confidence that we're doing what is best for him. This son of mine is such an angel and I love everything about him. His smile, his loving snuggles and his big brown eyes! Some things really hurt me (I am one to take comments VERY personal) and my dad is sometimes to jokingly with me. I one time was visiting with my dad about my concerns for Tyler and how he is progressing in school, and my dad had agreed with me that he didn't notice Tyler struggling in some parts...I then referred to Tyler as "different". Which I meant that he gets it, he very much understands his schooling, he just handles it "differently." Little did I know my dad would turn that into a joke! :( He now says "he isn't dumb Ms.Gump...he's just....different." It does hurt me so bad, because I know my dad compares Tyler to Brooke. Which isn't fair...if that's the case then that dumb saying applies to every other child who isn't in a GT program at their school. I plan on talking him tomorrow to get this sadness and bothered heart back to peace. I just wish sometimes my dad wouldn't be so naive...especially to his grand-kids. I feel some things in the near future changing, I just need to focus my decisions with prayer first. My eyes are bothering me pretty bad right now...so I'll follow-up with my pictures tomorrow.---Kayla Xxo

Frustration does exsist

Frustration has clouded my afternoon and I'm hoping  it's just temporary. It seems like as soon as Brooke and Tyler get home from school all I hear is crying, screaming, running footsteps or one of the kids tattle-telling. Pure Chaos that overwhelms this momma more than anything. Some days are pretty easy (usually I have to get all of the kids managed before PePaw comes home from work, because the poor man's nerves are just to worn out for 3 kids bickering and crying) and some days are just tough, like today. Maybe it's because I really don't push the kids to play quietly, maybe because I don't stress the importance of sharing and playing nicely, or even how I may not discipline them enough when they fight and don't mind. All of these could definitely be the reasons behind their very unacceptable behavior. This afternoon is one of them days where I need them to just chill out!!! I went to Jason's work at 3:30 to get his check only to be totally sidetracked because he had told me he was in HR's office discussing a situation that happened a few weeks ago. A situation that I did tell Jason he was in the wrong and it was very inappropriate on his part. But from what I know about this other person, he isn't really any different than Jason, and if Jason didn't feel comfortable with this guy he would of never "joked" around with him like he did. Men can be just as caddy as women!  I just worry so much because now this guy is complaining that "he doesn't feel the same around Jason anymore." What does that even mean? He didn't seem uncomfortable around Jason at the Christmas party last Friday. I just told Jason to apologize again and to stand his ground that this other guy is the same way with him and if he would of never played around with him if he didn't act that way either. I just hope whatever corrective action that may occur doesn't affect Jason's employment or his possibilities in the future with Azteca. :/ Yep, my mind is definitely going a million miles an hour right now worrying about what was said and done, and the kids are acting like a bunch of menaces! So yes, frustration is my emotion. I want to call his work so bad to see what happened, but I don't know if that's the right thing to do. Especially lying to whoever will answer the mill phone and ask me if it's an emergency! haha...maybe my piece of mind is an emergency!!! I said a prayer driving home and you know I just need to really leave it in the Lord's hands. It is what it is, and our family will be ok. Now if I can just get Brooke, Tyler and Taylor to play nicely this evening could look a lot brighter for the 4 of us! I'm hoping  I can calmly finish out this day with the Spirit in tune! Praying hard -Kayla

My babies are growing to fast!

Looking at this picture I just can't believe how fast time has gone by. I feel like it could of been just yesterday that Jason and I were scrambling to get Brooke and Tyler ready to take to his grandma's in Hale Center, so we could go to Lubbock (UMC) to have Taylor! Brooke and Tyler's facial appearances have matured so much since this picture, which was only just 2 yrs ago. Oh how I would love to have just one more baby, but Jason doesn't seem so compliant and willing to give it one more go. Who knows, maybe he'll change his mind one day. It's definitely always an option. :)) Then again, the way things are going in this world, it seems almost selfish to keep wanting another baby to bring into this life, while we're trying to get through miserable economic times. So I will leave it in my Lord's hands. We are his children and he will lead us where he needs us to be. I pray Jason and I can raise our children to love, to be kind, to minister to others and to lead by example. I'm not sure what type of expectations to have for them, for each of them are so uniquely different. I still need to weigh out my own options as far as what I am going to do next year. My mind is neutral right now, I can't really decide if working is something I should or shouldn't consider doing. I really need to pray harder about it, I have been so tired with each day I haven't been giving enough effort to talk with Heavenly Father....it's so wrong and it's probably why I get overwhelmed with everything. I'm trying to handle all of this in the flesh. I need to read the scriptures more, pray more, service more..more, more more!! So much to do...wow..I really am going to stop now. I just love this picture of the kids. Brings joyful memories back. <3 <3 <3 -Kayla (now to do some online shopping to take away from stressing about all of the things I need to do!!)

Date Night/ Azteca Christmas party

Yesterday was Jason's Christmas party for his work. I was silly enough to of stressed the whole week about what I was going to wear to this party. I guess more for insecurity purposes, maybe? I knew lots of people would be there that work with him (duh) and I wanted Jason and I to look our best. To me, it is very important to take pride in yourself and the way you first present yourself to people will be their first impression of you. I didn't want to look like a slob and not put together. Long story short, I found a dress at Dillards that was 40% off and it fit perfect, with the help of Spanx!!! :)) Now let me vent about Spanx...these suckers are TIGHT!!! Omg, I didn't even know if I was going to make it the whole night wearing these Spanx when we first left the house. The lady at Dillards who helped me pick my size warned me to take some time to myself putting them on, because it would be a task. Luckily I succeeded in putting them on, but adjusting to breathing with them took a few hours!! I don't even know how I managed to eat my dinner to think about it. But it helped with out the dress fit me, so I'd have to say they were and are a good investment. The Christmas party went wonderfully, I shared a lot of laughs with Jason and his friends and their wives. It was our first time going to Azteca's Christmas parties, but I really think we'll be going to future ones if Jason's work schedule permits us to go. We got home pretty late especially later than we planned, and sure enough little Miss Brooke was coughing up a storm. :( I really do love this time of year, the snow, grey clouds etc..but it has the toughest effect on Brooke. Her asthma just doesn't help with a cold and runny nose. I gave her breathing treatments and cough medicine at 7 this morning and I actually drank some Theraflu while I waited for her treatments to be done, because my head was aching and my throat was extremely dry and itchy. Then we went back to bed and slept pretty late into the morning. She's been doing pretty good this whole day, good enough to spend the night with Kyra. So I pray she sleeps well tonight because getting a call in the middle of the night to pick her up will be freezing!!! But I don't mind at all if it does so happen. I'm really excited about Christmas, I'm really not stressing a whole lot of things. We haven't bought the kids their clothes yet, or our parents and siblings, but I'm not stressing it. I know we'll get around to it, but it's definitely not priority in this Holiday. I'm trying to focus on understanding my own personal calling for my family. I'm always trying to think of more effective ways in communicating with Jason, Jenn, Jamie and family, Brittani..and so forth. Questioning myself about "how do they better respond to me"? Hopefully I'll master this soon so I can better minister to them. I have so many things to catch up on and routinely commit to them. It just seems like there is either not enough energy through the day or not enough time! :/ Just another common struggle I think. I wish I could just slow time down, even more go back in time. But we can't so I am taking what is as it is. I am very blessed and counting those blessings as well. I love my children my husband and family. We're not a perfect family but we get by through the strength of one another for sure. Here are some of the few pictures I took of last night..I still really need to get better about taking more pictures. -Kayla xoxo Ok never mind, I'll have to upload the pictures tomorrow. I'm so tired right now and I didn't save them to the laptop! SMH

Simple kind of life :)

Just real quick...all of the kids have the cutest personalities!! I just have to totally blog what they have had me cracking up on these last few days. :))





Me talking to Brooke and Tyler what Christmas is really about:

Me: So..do you guys knows what Christmas is about?
Brooke: About the birth of Jesus
Me: Good job Brooke!! It is about Jesus being born. Now Tyler, do you know what Christmas is about?
Tyler: Ya..about Santa Claus bringing me toys!!

(I just this was so cute. Of course Brooke would have a better understanding of the meaning of Christmas....Tyler's however just makes me love the fun, wittiness of a 5 year old)

Today when Jason came home with the kids from work and school, Brooke asked me if she could make herself some ramen noodles in the microwave (something her Tia Jennifer showed her). I told her she could, so Tyler sees her doing this and wants some noodles himself, apparently he asked Brooke to make him some too but she wouldn't. Tyler then comes to me and asks me if I will tell Brooke to make him a bowl too. Well I did ask her to make him some, but for some reason we all became distracted with other things because I never followed up to see if Brooke did in fact make Tyler some ramen noodles. Sure enough it turned out that she didn't! So I asked her why didn't she make Tyler some noodles...right then she asked Tyler if he wanted a peanut butter sandwich or noodles...and Tyler said "both!" I just thought it was so cute and it really just made me smile!! I may have to edit this post later because I am blogging it with the boys running around screaming and fighting, Brooke worming it around on the floor and Jason yelling at us to have our shoes on before he gets done getting ready!! aaahh!!! madness in the house right now!!

Smile for the camera!!

This precious smile makes everything better for me!! xoxo

 These pictures capture the feel of our little family. We're goofy, we're funny and we have the best times doing the silliest things! I really do have the most fun when we're being care less (not worrying about getting stuff done in the house, like laundry etc) and just goofy around. Tyler isn't in any of the pictures because of course he was already asleep!! He is very good about going to bed early and it definitely does him good. Brooke and Taylor however are night owls like their momma! ;) I think Jason was tired, probably from a hard day at work, but he still played around with us. Even if it meant him taking a picture in a laundry basket while Taylor played "bongo" on his head! We have been doing our new traditional routine about going to a house on Amarillo street and listening to the music station and watching Santa work. I really, really love people who devote much of their time, and money I am sure, to bring such a display for nearby neighbors to see. I know my kids enjoy it so much! They look forward to it every day after dinner. It's a memory I am sure they'll remember. Well this is just another little Parks silly update! Now off to go rest some more!

Who doesn't love a daddy with a sense of humor?

and such patience with his babies!!....we <3 you daddy!

Just thinking

Before I get a shower, I wanted to post about some thoughts I've been having. For one, I am so loving the snow that we got yesterday and I am kind of bummed out that the sun is out today already melting it. I would be ok with having a whole week of just gloomy, gray weather. Christmas is right around the corner, literally and I am pretty calm and mellowed out about it. We had a RS meeting at church this past Saturday and one thing that stuck with me was how people have turned Thanksgiving and Christmas into this big "Black Friday" choas! People more focused on making sales to buy $5 waffle makers, ipads, TV's, etc. When these holidays are supposed to be based on thanks, love and appreciation for our families. Christmas is all about the birth of Jesus. Without his birth all these good blessings in our lives would not be given to us. I just really want to teach Brooke, Tyler and Taylor about the importance of Christmas, which is family. The birth of Jesus. I am still learning myself about everything in the Bible and Book of Mormon, being that I wasn't taught it as a child. But I love learning in Primary with the kids. I am so happy I am able to give this to my children. Taking them to church, watching and learning with them about the church and the gospel. I didn't have that growing up. And most importantly, I am glad to be living it for them. It's important to lead by example. But I need to hurry and get ready for this day! Boo how I wish I could take a nap with Taylor, but nope...I must get ready! -Kayla