So I have tried blogging for two days in a row now. I have either been distracted by the kids or have fallen asleep, to only wake up and totally forget what I was blogging about or remembering how I worded things (obviously not saving it as a draft). Today is going pretty smooth. I managed to wake up on time to get Brooke and Tyler fully bathed and ready before Jason got home from work. PePaw took the day off from work to rest and recover from a physical stressful week of overtime and crew work. I think he made a good choice. :)) So that means for me that Taylor is entertained by his Pepaw, which gives me some "me-time." I've been doing a little soul searching this week trying to really figure out why some things bother me about people. Not just general people, but people I am close to. I would much rather not disclose names because I do hope others read this blog one day, especially Jason and the kids. Since joining the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints I have built a testimony of this gospel. A testimony so true from Jesus that it has changed my life tremendously. From understanding the word of wisdom, to feeling the blessings from being obedient to not eating, drinking or smoking the things that God has asked us to steer away from. My mind is at peace, a peace that I struggled for year to gain. Now, don't get me wrong there are days and times that this peace is clouded, but through prayer and blessings from the missionaries I have over come those cloudy times. That doesn't mean that my future has no more cloudy days, it means that my faith in Heavenly Father is all trusted into him because I know he will pull me through it. Because of that I love and cry out to him often. Not always tears of sorrow and sadness, but of joy and thanks. This is important to me. He has been so clear with me and I have understood him fully. I know that I must be like him if I want happiness in my life, and for my family. I pray and talk to God alot about humbling my heart to family and friends who have offended me deeply, who have said hateful things about my mothering and my children (and trust me, this has happened! Especially to my children), who have judged me and have been so mean!! I do believe I have forgiven them on my part, and I do believe that I am choosing the right by keeping them away from my family. People with rude intentions, hateful intentions will not bring the spirit with them, therefore most likely crashing mine! So that is exactly why we do not see or go around Jason's family in Hale Center. I believe that if Jason's mom can get over things, strong situations, and come to our home and pick up where we once left off (years ago) that his grandma and cousin are capable of doing so to. They just choose not to, and that is beyond my concern or worry. I just want my kids to know why their mom made this decision. His grandma came to some silly choice to not like me and dwell on it, which is soo dumb to me. She thinks I locked her out of the house one day when Misty brought her by to visit and anyone who knows me..knows I wouldn't do that. Casey walked in behind me for crying out loud! But like I said, that is so silly and beyond understanding. Anyways, eventually his granny began to buy only the boys presents and not Brooke. That is a BIG NO NO in my book. She will not be allowed in this family if she cannot treat all of the kids equally. Any mom would agree. So Word! And Misty just has a nasty attitude and made a huge chaotic scene at wal-mart one time when Jason and I went to get Tyler's medicine. She hasn't changed so she is a scratch off too, I cannot surround myself around just nasty women. Long story short, I just remain in faith of the Lord and that the spirit is guiding me and I am doing what is right. Which I am at peace with not being close to the family in Hale Center and with my own in Dallas. Sometimes it's easier to appreciate people you aren't involved with. This doesn't mean I hate them or wish bad upon them. It means that I am protecting myself and the security in this family of mine and Jason's. Our family is the only one we have control over. So they are my top priority. I have these problems all around me and I just allow myself to follow and listen to what the spirit tells me. Relationships have been strengthened for me. So I know God is watching out for me and mine. This includes friends to. I am beginning to understand and realize where my friendships should be a remain. It isn't easy, but I just know it's what's best. In closing, I just know that I am where I am supposed to be. The kids are where they are supposed to be. We are all being taught the truth and so man great things are going to happen in my marriage with my children and hopefully with my family. Taylor is now eating a snack, so that means my mind is clouding again!! Till next time.
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