Communication

There are so many things going on right now, so I'm going to break it down in this post (more like venting). Brooke and Tyler are still doing so good in school right now. Tyler's handwriting is getting better by each passing day and Brooke was already tested for GT, so I'm just waiting to hear back from her teacher about her scores. Jamie and the family are doing well in Hawaii, as far as we are all concerned he won't be getting deployed and I am so happy to hear this news! I hated when he was in Afghanistan for his previous mission because that is where all the danger is. So I'm glad we get to keep him, and I'll for sure be praying that it stay this way the remainder of his serving in the Army. Jennifer and Trenton are still the same, and I pray that they continue to grow and mature together in their marriage. I guess I really had no choice but to mature so early on in life, being that I had Brooke when I was 16. My parents were and remained firm about me mothering her, which to this day I understand and am SO grateful for their decision to be that hard on me. It made me the mother I am today, and I know I am not the best mother to my kids, but I do love them and care about trying to better myself for them ultimately. Taylor is still crazy spoiled, but he is my baby and I don't mind giving myself to him throughout the day while his siblings are at school. I am relishing in these moments that I have with him. He is talking so good now and is wanting to do everything by himself! :( It makes me sad to think that my "baby" is no longer a baby. I'm 24 years old with my "baby" now being a toddler, this is my family and now I strive to grow close to them all and for us to always be united. That is my goal. Jason and I had a serious talk this afternoon before lunch because I think I finally hit that breaking point with him. First off, communication is KEY to having a successful marriage...well, I take that back...most marriages that have communication are most likely to succeed. Not all husbands and wives use communication productively in their marriages. Anyways, I sometimes as a wife feel so like I'm on autopilot in my marriage. Like this is all I am to Jason, and this is just how my life is going to be and end. As if I'm standing on my own, lifting my own weight along with carrying it. I cannot stand that feeling! I want that spark, that flame to always remain lit and burning ferociously with love and excitement. I am way to young to be feeling as if I'm in a 60 year old marriage!! Jason tends to make unpleasant jokes sometimes about other females, and it really does make me insecure. I get to thinking "does he find that other woman thinner and more appealing than myself?", primarily because I do have my own insecurities about my body image, and I could be most likely taking out my own insecurities on his jokes, which are very harmless. But, I did tell him how I need him to be and how I need him to just accept that I am sensitive and I need reassurance in my life, especially from him. The great thing about my husband is that I  know I am his everything, and I trust him that he will change in that aspect of our marriage. :)) He always changes when it's called for, he is a humbling spirit and I know this is what I needed to do. I needed to communicate with him about needing him to be just a little more romantic and protecting of me. My marriage with Jason started off very rocky and was a definite trial in life until after the birth of Taylor. When I first became pregnant with Tyler, we moved into an apartment together with Brooke. At that time, I had NEVER lived with a "boyfriend" and was even more scared because I had this little baby girl (Brooke) that I was allowing Jason to parent.  I knew though that we needed to do this because it was the right thing to do. We had good jobs and there was no reason on why we shouldn't become adults. During that whole year living in those apartment we were tested and trialed. There were a lot of disagreements, and even second-guessing between us to. But either way, we stayed committed to one another. We then decided together that moving to Houston with his parents would be good for us, because we for one would have them to help us with the kids, and secondly they said there were better job opportunities for us in the city. Little did we know we should have stayed in Plainview being that we already had good jobs. We then led to separating, me moving back to Plainview with just the kids. We were separated for 7 months!!! But then again, we always stayed committed. I really think we know we are for eachother. I then moved back to Houston, and we stayed there for a good 9 months before we decided that our home is in Plainview. So we moved back with Pepaw and we've just grown together. I just know he is the man I am supposed to grow old with. He is forgiving and loving with our family and kids. <3 Well the girls just came over and I'll finish up this thought later!! Kayla