Thoughts about looking into "why?" and "how can/could I make this better?"

So we're home now and I did try to blog earlier about my thoughts, but I guess those thoughts weren't meant to be blogged about because I forgot to finish, and Jason exited out of that window. :) Jason is doing a whole lot better right now than he was earlier this afternoon. About 2'oclock he was running a fever of 101.8 and it made me very nervous. He went ahead and took his pain medication and I re-checked his temp. at 5'oclock and it was 99.3, so I guess I'm just going to have to continue monitoring it. I never realized how much of a nurse-like person I have been here lately, but I wouldn't change it for anything. I would much rather be taking care of my husband during this time than anyone else. I just worry alot about how his burns are healing. I on the other hand have been so tired (I'm not getting much sleep at night, probably around 4-5 hrs) and my lips have been acting like they want to break out in cold sores!!! I haven't had a breakout in about 9months to a year...so I'm praying hard that it doesn't happen, at least not right now. I'm taking the medicine the doctor gave me to take once I start feeling a "tingle" in my lips, but for one I have to take it 5 times daily and secondly the side effects are very annoying. I guess we definitely cannot have everything our way. It'll just have to be another trial that I make it through. (optimism is the only option I have here, there is no time for self-pity) My mom has been such a BIG help with the kids since Jason's accident. She takes turns taking one of them, which I love because I at least get to spend some time with each one when they are here. I feel so guilty that I cannot give the kids my undivided attention, but there is so much to do and Jason relies on me for everything. :/ I really miss our "old" lives. It's so selfish I know, but everything is slowly starting to hit me. From the problems with Jason's cousin and granny (which is a completely other story) to my responsibilities here at home. I'm praying for Heavenly Father to direct me in what I really need to do, and what can wait. I'm praying for patience all around, and strength in my body to continue doing what I'm doing. I hope it's not much, but I cannot do this alone. I pray for Cody's family to remain strong through this also. We have two families enduring this pain of seeing our loved ones in pain and hurt. :( I do believe God heals though, and I know these men are in his care. <3 I love Jason so much, and I'm not saying this accident has made me realize how much I do love him or need him, but it has definitely strengthened my love for him. I missed him so bad the first night he was in the ICU, I guess because I knew where he was and there was nothing I could do to see him. This has been an eye opener to enjoy and relish in the moments we have together as not only a husband and wife but as a family as a whole. I hope to never take anyone I love dearly for granted. I really hope everyone that has called to ask how we're doing, or to ask if we need help, and to reassure us they're praying for us knows how grateful I am for them and their concerns! I love them deeply, and I'm thankful for them in our lives. I believe the Lord prepared me for this because I was so ahead in school shopping for the kids and having them ready to start this coming Monday. For anyone who knows me, they should know I'm NEVER ahead of the game! I just felt like this year I wanted to be, and this could definitely be why. It's just a positive way for me to think that God is providing for us and he does love his children. Through this whole ordeal I have done alot of praising God through this storm! He is so comforting in my loneliest moments and the moments that I feel like I cannot do things. He is amazing. Well I better finish up some things around the house, this is just where my mind is right now.